Thursday, August 22, 2013

Ultimate guide to faux infant cannibalism

I have done it!  I got on, and and made a fancy chart in excel which lists the food (and other things, 3D pregnancy) that these sites compare the size of the baby to throughout pregnancy.  My favorite is at 40 weeks.  They claim the size of the baby is that of a baby.  So, there you go.

Now, for your enjoyment...

Type of food/thing
4poppy seed-
5apple seed-sesame seed
6sweet peapomegranate seedchocolate sprinkle
7blueberryblueberryTic Tac
8 raspberrycranberry beandiamond in Nicole Richie's engagement ring
9green olivecherrymartini olive
10prunekumquatbrazil nut
11limebrussels sproutStarbucks sugar packet
12plumpassion fruitVienna sausage
13peachlemonNutter Butter
14lemonnectarineflip phone
15orange appleKit-Kat "finger"
17onionpearbaked potato
18sweet potatosweet potatopickle
19mangomango6" turkey sub
20bananaartichokeRed Bull
21pomegranatecarrotBottle of root beer
22papayapapayapackage of Oreos
23grapefruiteggplantHarry Potter book
24cantaloupecornFoot long Chicago dog
25caulifloweracorn squashRecorder
26lettucezucchiniburp cloth
27rutabagacauliflowera roast
28eggplantkabocha squasha churro
29acorn squashbutternut squashloaf of bread
30cucumbercabbageBritney Spears' Yorkshire terrier
31pineappleleeksmini skirt
32squashnapa cabbageabove the knee boots
33durianpineapplecollarbone length pearl necklace
34butternut squashcantaloupeAmerican Girl Doll/bag of sugar
35coconuthoneydewPrice club sheet cake
36honeydewcanary melonbreadbox
37winter melonSwiss chardlarge mouth bass
38pumpkinrhubarbduffel bag (I'm guessing a small one?)
39watermelonmini watermelonlarge rabbit
40jack fruitwatermelona baby

I know I kind of jumped ahead, going all the way to 40 weeks, but I didn't want to leave the chart incomplete.  Plus is will be a fun challenge to find a recipe next week that incorporates a pumpkin, rhubarb and a duffel bag into something edible!  If I can pull that off, I imagine I will be a contender for the next iron chef.

I went to the chiropractor yesterday.  It was awesome.  He adjusted my sciatic area and showed me some moves that I may be able to do to stretch some of those lower back muscles.  He also adjusted my neck.  I've been getting dizzy lately, and I think my neck may be the reason.  I've been good so far since he did it.  If you are in to chiropractors and can find a good one in your area that specializes in pre-natal stuff, I say go for it. 

The midwife told me I do not have Group B strep and told me I am free to go into labor whenever I'm ready.  I don't think I'm ready yet.  But I will be soon.  Or I should be soon.  Both of us should be.  Hamburglar is now head down.  When I was at the midwife, I asked her, "Is the baby face down?"  She said, "I don't know where his face is."  I clarified that I meant head down and she verified that he is.  The thing is, I've been wondering when the baby would flip and I've had that 2 Live Crew song stuck in my head, "Face down ass up..."  So yeah.  I'm going to be the raddest mom ever.

I had a terrible dream the other night that I could not find cigars to smoke post baby.  It was terrible.  But, now that I think about it, a cigar and a nice glass of bourbon post-baby sounds nice.  Black Maple Hill, maybe?  Or some brandy could be okay as well.

Two and a half more weeks.  Holla if you want to get in on the betting pool.  I had today and the 10th of September.

That is all.

No comments:

Post a Comment