Monday, August 19, 2013

Shoop, baby naming, winter melons and back fat

I typically listen to NPR in the mornings on my way to work.  When Marketplace comes on and they talk about the stocks, I get the same song stuck in my head every time.  It all happens when they talk about the S&P 500.  The first cassette I recall owning as a child was Paula Abdul.  I think I was about 8 years old.  I was growing up and growing out of my Disco Duck record my ex-stepdad had given me to go with my fancy new (old) record player.  So, later, I was a big Salt-n-Peppa fan and when they talk about the S&P, I get Shoop stuck in my head.  Particularly the lines, “S and the P wanna get with me, cool/ But I’m wicked, G, hit skins but never quickly/ I hit the skins for the hell of it, just for the yell I get/ Mmm mmm mmm, for the smell of it…” and so on.

Welcome deeper into my mind.  When I was 15, I had a therapist tell me she imagined vacationing inside my head would be a lot like Disneyland.  I think I may need to undergo therapy again to determine whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing.  I just always assumed it meant she found me as entertaining as I find me.
I’m finally done with baby showers.  I scored some good loot and some good advice.  I think my current favorite stories are the “Get this baby out of me!” stories.  One of my friends told me that, towards the end of her pregnancy with her now 10-year-old son, she tried a ton of stuff to induce labor.  She ate spicy food, she had lots of sex and she went 4x4-ing for about 2 hours up in the foothills.  Her son was born the next day.
I have also determined that the next baby shower I go to, I am going to buy the mom-to-be gift cards for take-out places near her house.  I don’t want to cook anymore or do anything other than lie in my nice, air-conditioned house and lament how hot it is outside.  I imagine I will want to cook even less post-baby.
Remember my new favorite pregnancy website?  Well, part of the reason I love it so much is for the Tips section.  Now that I’m 37 weeks along, the author thinks it is time to pick a name.  He writes, "Haven't thought of a baby name yet?  Start with some exciting pet names at least.  Take a look at some of the baby name tools.  This will open up for lists of almost thousands of exciting names.  Your baby can arrive any day now." 

Maybe we should name Hamburglar after our dog, Rupert?

Speaking of terrible naming advice, I came across this article on nameberry this morning.  More like the 20 worst names for your child ever.  I think the best advice I have come across for picking a baby name was a 2008 article from the Daily Beast.   They give the sound advice, "But as important as it may seem to avoid names that threaten to turn you into a hipster cliche, it's even more essential to stay away from those that might make your teenager try to kill you while you sleep."

Wise words to live by, people.

Depending on who you ask, 37 weeks means McCloud is now the size of either a winter melon or Swiss chard. I have no idea what a winter melon is, so I am going to quickly google it.
From Wikipedia:
The winter melon, also called white gourd, winter gourd, or ash gourd, is a vine grown for its very large fruit, eaten as a vegetable when mature.  It is the only member of the genus Benincasa. The fruit is fuzzy when young. The immature melon has thick white flesh that is sweet when eaten. By maturity, the fruit loses its hairs and develops a waxy coating, giving rise to the name wax gourd, and providing a long shelf life. The melon may grow as large as 80 cm in length. Although the fruit is referred to as a "melon," the fully grown crop is not sweet.
Losing fuzz? Waxy Coating? That sounds like the perfect food to compare an unborn baby to! I mean, it's like it is undergoing the same changes as the wee babe in utero. I read somewhere recently about how the baby is shedding his weird hair fuzz stuff and swallowing it and it totally grossed me out. Yeah, it's crazy and rad that my body can make a baby out of goo, but so many aspects of pregnancy are fucking disgusting and creepy.

Anyway, winter melon.  You know, it’s a full moon on Thursday, so you should make mooncakes.  But only if you can find a winter melon.  Or winter melon seeds.  Here is a recipe that I have never seen or tried before. 

If the winter melon takes the idea of infant cannibalism too far for you, then I recommend going with the Swiss chard recipe this week. 
Are you familiar with Heidi Swanson’s website,  Her banana millet muffins have changed my life and made me a better person.  There is so much good food on that website… I’m getting hungry just thinking about it.  One of my favorite side dish recipes is the garlicky greens I use a ton of red pepper flakes and I typically make this recipe with spinach or kale, but I bet it would be super awesome with swiss chard as well.  So there you go.
The birth class I thought I had talked my way into was too full, so no birthing class for me.  I started reading the HypnoBirthing book by Marie Mongan and it’s awesome.  I don’t really know much about hypnobirthing, but from what I have read, it seems like the whole premise behind it is birthing without fear.  And that’s nice.  That’s what I’m all about, so we will see how it goes.
I think that’s about it.  I go see the midwife today for the results of my Group B strep test.  I haven’t been terribly uncomfortable, though I grow more so by the day.  The floor still isn’t done in the nursery.  And Mr. Adventure was lamenting yesterday that my pregnancy is nearly over and I have not peed myself.  He seemed kind of disappointed that we haven’t needed to go to the hospital due to false labor pains and that, other than it taking me a ridiculous amount of time to put my socks on in the morning, I haven’t really had many difficulties or needed much help.  I walked the dogs to the dog park this weekend, (just under a mile each way, so nothing record breaking) and my hips didn’t even hurt when I got home, like they typically do after longer walks.  
I have gained 22 pounds.  That’s awesome because I’m going to lose half my baby weight right there in the hospital.  I’m looking forward to losing weight because I think my back is getting pregnant.  I think this may be my punishment for telling a friend of mine that he has back fat when we were 20.  He was making fun of me for having a giant ass and I said, “At least I don’t have back fat.”  He started calling everyone he knew and asking them if he had back fat.  A couple years later he was living in Georgia and he sent me an email that said, “I got an ab roller so back fat be gone!  Next time you see me you will say, ‘Where did all your back fat go?!’”  It’s been almost 12 years and he still talks about his back fat.  I give really good complexes.  Baby better watch out!
That is all.

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