So, here is a copy of the email I sent out. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent. And pictures have been excluded to maintain Hamburglar's digital privacy. And because he is so damn cute that you would literally die if you gazed upon his baby face).
Merry Christmas Eve!
We didn't do Christmas cards, so I'm sending a Christmas email. I typically assume that people are just as busy as I am, and I am trying to show restraint and not bombard anyone with millions of baby pictures (unless you ask for it) because, well, who wants to look at pictures of a big fat baby face all the time? Especially when you can come visit me and see him live in all his neck roll glory!
A lot of things have happened this year. I had a baby in September and he already weighs 16 pounds. Because all he does is eat. If we really want to eat him, we should probably do it for Christmas. I'm pretty sure that by next year he won't fit in our oven.
Also, Mr. Adventure's daughter came back into his life, so it's almost like I had two kids this year. (I'm just really grateful I didn't have to give birth to the five year old). It's kind of crazy going from being well known for my impressive drinking ability to having a family. Like a house and a car that was manufactured in the past five years and two dogs and two kids (though we only have the 5 year old every other weekend).
Being a grown-up is hard work! But being sober after 10 years of drinking like my liver could pack up and leave any day is interesting. It's like being drunk in a whole new way! And I learned that I am physically and emotionally capable of just having a beer or two and if I only want half a drink, I have no qualms about dumping the rest down the sink! 5 years ago, I would have considered that blasphemous.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, for those of you who were worried about my drinking habits, you don't have to worry any more. At least not for the next 18 years... :D
Man! I should really plan out what I'm going to say before I start writing. Because I'm just all over the place here. That's okay I don't know what else to say anyway.
Merry Christmas everyone! Here are some pictures of young mister Hamburglar, in case you want a chubby baby to look at.
I'm glad I know you all. And, also, just so you know, I don't know if it's breastfeeding or new motherhood, but I'm turning into a total sap. NPR had a thing where they were playing listener submitted recordings of them singing Deck the Halls, and it made me cry.
Oh, and I'm planning a Seattle weekend in January.
Don't do drugs and stay in school.
That is all.
(Oh! And to KSK: I STILL have not mailed your birthday present, so I'm moving your birthday from November to January. xoxoxo)"
And there you have it. Now, don't you all wish you were on my emailing list, too?
And by "list" I mean the handful of people I thought may possibly be interested in what is going on with me and my favorite baby.
Anyway, Merry Christmas! I've got some trace metals data to analyze!