Monday, February 24, 2014

So Many Things

Don’t worry. I haven’t forgotten about you. A lot has been going on. Three major events really.

1) I turned 32. I think I might be old now. 30 was no big deal. 31, I called it thirty one-derful and it was great, but 32? Oh, man. I have now been paying rent for half of my life. Shit’s crazy. It’s been almost ten years since I graduated from college. Ten year high school reunion? Whatever. No big deal. Ten years after earning an undergrad degree? That’s a long-mother f-ing time. To celebrate, I had two spicy margaritas and we ordered in Chinese and watched the second Hunger Games movie with my brother and his wife. It was terrible. Both the take-out and the movie.

2)Chubs McBabylegs turned 5 months old! I know I call him Fatty McTwochins, but he’s not really fat. He’s a giant, though. When I hold him now, I can’t help but think about how big he is. He has also learned a new skill – escaping from his bouncy chair. On the plus side, he is learning quickly that if he doesn’t like something about his situation, he should do something to alter it. He has also taught me that once a week is not nearly often enough to vacuum the floor with two dogs running around. Chubs arches his back, gets his feet on the floor with his head still on the bouncy chair, then kind of flops himself onto the floor where he rolls and slides around. He’s not crawling or sitting up on his own yet, but I think both will be coming soon.

3) Mr. Adventure and I received a copy of Diablo 3 for the PS3 in the mail! And that is where we have been spending a lot of time lately. I am mastering the art of hand less breastfeeding while I kill demons with my female barbarian. And I am also getting better at maneuvering about and killing demons with one hand when I need the other for feeding Hamburglar.

So, those are the three big events that have kept me occupied the last couple of weeks. Also, remember my friend who was almost as pregnant as I was who also gave birth to a little boy in early October? Well, she had mentioned something called The Wonder Weeks to me and I promptly forgot about it. Then, Chubs was doing something weird and I googled it, and I came across the idea of the Wonder Weeks again. Which, of course, led me down an internet rabbit hole where I could not find the information I wanted, but I came out the other side with a library book and it is AMAZING.

It’s called the Wonder Weeks and you can buy it on Amazon. The authors spent 35 years studying infants and their mothers and were able to predict the fussy periods followed by large mental leaps. We just got out of mental leap 4, which is when an infant undergoes a huge perception change. He now sees the bouncing of a ball as a series of events instead of just individual occurrences. He knows that if a ball goes up it will come back down. Crazy, right? I’m still reading, but it’s really interesting. You should go to the library and check it out.

Also, since I am elderly now, it is time to lose weight. I’m burning down my kitchen and starting from scratch. The tricky part is going to be reducing calories, exercising and maintaining my milk supply. More research is needed.

That is all.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Real Life Sims

Having a baby is kind of like playing the Sims, but with a real, human baby.  Who you are probably going to drop on the floor eventually.  I don't know if you've played the Sims, but when your character gets too tired, they will pass out wherever.  They don’t give a shit where they sleep.  Like me in college after a night of heavy drinking.  Or like my baby.  Sadly, there is no meter that tells you how badly they need to go to the bathroom (imagine the potty training possibilities if there were!) or how hungry or tired they are.  I mean, there kind of are. 

Fatty McTwoChins (aka Hamburglar McCloud, aka Chubs McBabylegs, aka Fatty McFatfat) will rub his little red-rimmed eyes and cup his ear when he’s sleepy-faced.  And he used to suck on his hands when he was hungry, but he doesn't seem to do that anymore.  He now goes from totally happy and content to oh-my-god-I-am-most-certainly-going-to-die-if-you-don’t-feed-me-right-this-second.  He seriously acts like I’m not going to feed him.  And he tends to scream the loudest just before I slip my nipple in his mouth.  Then he eats like he hadn’t just eaten three hours ago.  I think he’s going through a growth spurt.  Mr. Adventure thinks he’s just being a dick.

Both are legitimate possibilities.

Chubs also cries when he’s wet which, according to my step mom, is a good thing.  She said that babies who don’t like being wet are easier to potty train.  I hope that’s true because I think that once you are old enough to ask someone to change your diaper, you are too old to be wearing one.  But what do I know?

Little man has been waking up every three hours to eat all week.  It’s killing me.  And making me sooooo tired.  I’m getting bags around my eyes, Internet.  I don't like it.  I've spent the last four months wandering around looking like a civilian survivor of a particularly harsh Civil War.  I’m ready to be pretty again.  So, for my birthday dress this year, I ordered this dress.  I have finally decided that I am old enough to wear leopard print and not feel weird about it.  I sized down based on the reviews.  Keep your fingers crossed for me that it fits! 

In other news...

Mr. Adventure finished the floor in the nursery!  Sure, it takes 90 days for it to completely cure, but it is done!  We are going to go in at the end of the month to repaint, because the 50 years of tobacco smoke keep oozing through the wall.  I've heard using Killz to seal in the grossness will help.  I guess we will see.  After I do a bit more research.  Maybe the nursery will be done by the time Hamburglar turns twelve.

That is all.