So, I hate clichés.
More accurately, I hate living out clichés. And
this need to pee all the time is getting out of control. In the 8 hours that I was trying to sleep
last night, I got up to pee four times.
I was really thirsty, but I didn’t drink any water because I was hoping
that would curb the need for frequent restroom breaks, but no. I’m considering packing a pillow into the
bathroom and just sleeping on the toilet.
Not really. I
would probably fall off. And bathrooms
have lots of sharp corners.
At 34 weeks pregnant, I have no idea what food size
the baby is any more. I am getting
conflicting information. One website
says the baby is the size of a cantaloupe, and maybe that’s the case. If so, you should eat a cantaloupe. In honor of faux-infant cannibalism. Or something.
I discovered this website over the weekend, and it
is probably the weirdest pregnancy week-by-week website I have come across yet. So, here is a link, for your enjoyment.
What else?
I received a check for $110 in the mail
yesterday. That was exciting. I’m glad I don’t have to argue with the
birthing class instructor over my refund any more. The actual class I am taking starts next week
and is set to run for four weeks. Will
the baby stay in until I have completed birthing classes?! Stay tuned to find out…
My super fancy dress fit me perfectly at the wedding. I looked so smoking hot, I kind of wanted to
take myself into the bathroom and have my way with me, but I refrained. I didn’t get any pictures, though. I wore the Erin Wiggle dress in black from
pinupgirlclothing.com, with my favorite pair of black Fleuvog open-toe heels
and my giant black sun hat with gold trim.
I looked fancy. And the wedding
was short. I like that in a
wedding. The last wedding I went to was
a traditional catholic wedding. Catholic
weddings are not known for their brevity.
I saw my midwife yesterday and asked her a ton of
questions. I finally got the results of
my glucose screen back. My result was
139. The cut off is 140. She said all that matters is that I passed
and that the rest of my results looked good. Next up is the Strep B test at 36 weeks. She told me to study hard to make sure I
pass.
I asked her again about alternatives to
erythromycin, and she said there aren’t any.
I guess doctors used to put silver nitrate in babies eyes after they
were born, which is way more harsh.
I asked her about tearing or needing an
episiotomy. In the past 27 years, she
has had less than ten patients tear while birthing vaginally, so that’s
exciting. She also said she wants me to
come to the hospital as soon as my water breaks, but I’ve read that labor can
take a really long time to get going even after the “membranes rupture.” So, as long as I test negative for Strep B, I
figure I will hang out at home for a bit anyway. Just to be an asshole, I guess. Because I don’t want to be at the hospital
forever. I would rather give birth in
the car on the way to the hospital than be stuck there in labor for 12 hours.
I also asked my midwife about complications related
to having had a LEEP when I was 17. She
said that it is possible that the cervix won’t dilate enough and that she would
have to manually break up the scar tissue.
I guess that is as painful as it sounds because she said most of her
patients that need to have that done end up getting an epidural. I had a hard enough time at the dentist when
they numbed the roof of my mouth, I can’t imagine letting them numb my legs at
the hospital, but I guess we will see how it all plays out within the next
month and a half or so.
Since I want a natural birth and we are having Mr.
Hamburglar McCloud in the hospital, I have been reading a lot and I found this
super awesome book called Homebirth in the Hospital. I just checked it out from my local
library. It’s full of women’s birth
experiences in the hospital, compiled by an OB who is all about natural
birth. My favorite so far is the
Brazilian woman who, every time she pushed, would say, “Baby Wants Out!” And I prefer the stories in this book to the
ones in Ina May’s Spiritual Midwifery. I
mean, birthing from within and all that is great, but it’s all a bit too New
Age-y for me, and I used to go to Rainbow Gatherings as a young adult. So, if something is too hippy for me, that’s
saying something. Though I am planning on burning nag champa and anointing my baby with patchouli just after he is born. (Not really).
I can’t wait to be at the beach on Friday! I was trying to find someone to go on my trip
back west with me for the long weekend, but I’m kind of glad no one can
come. I think it will be nice to take
one last solo road trip before I become a mother. I’m going to install the car seat before I
leave, just in case McCloud decides to make an early appearance. If he does decide to come early, hopefully he will at least wait until after my day at the beach.
And I have heartburn. Still.
Or again. I don’t know. And I found this disturbing image that pretty
accurately sums up how I feel.
Mr. Adventure is supposed to finish the floor in the
nursery while I am out of town this weekend.
I think he will. He likes to do
nice things around the house when I go out of town. We’ve both been enjoying (and been slightly
freaked out by) the amazing acrobatics of my moving belly. It’s weird when people can see your stomach
moving from across the room. His kicks
and punches are pretty strong, but he hasn’t punched me anywhere tender yet, so
that’s nice.
I had a dream the other night that labor only lasted
an hour and a half. It was awesome. Maybe that dream was premonitory? My QC officer had a dream last night that I
was wearing a deep sea diving mask (to ensure I had enough oxygen) while I
performed a c-section on myself. The
doctors weren’t being helpful and she was very concerned and saw that my oxygen
supply had been severed, so she reconnected it for me. I told her I would be sure to pack an oxygen
tank and a diving mask into my hospital bag, just in case.
And I think that’s all. Beach and baby shower fun in Western
Washington this weekend! Yay! Maybe I will even find my camera and take some pictures.
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