Friday, January 9, 2015

Well, shit.

About a week before Christmas, Mr. Adventure and I were having the age-old debate: Vasectomy or IUD?

I'm pretty anti-IUD.  My mom had horror stories about her old copper one from back in the 1970's and, more recently, a friend of mine had hers migrate from where it was put in and she had to have it surgically removed from her stomach.  I'm sure that's a rare thing, but it freaks me out.

Christmas Eve, after baby bedtime, the Mister and I drank a lot of rum and became unable to complete putting together Hamburglar's Fire Engine Play Set (a feat that took Sober Me less than ten minutes to accomplish the following morning).  PSA: Heavy drinking causes a decrease in fine motor coordination.

Do any of you have the TimeHop app?  The one that tells you that on facebook five years ago you fell down the side of an active volcano/fell into a swamp/are never going to drink again?  Well, I had one pop up about a hockey game about two years ago, which was the same day I took a pregnancy test and discovered I was pregnant with Chumbercules.  (Do you see where this is going?)  I realized that Lady Time had not yet come to me and she was about a week overdue for her visit.

"Well, shit," I thought.

So, since living on a single family income makes frivolity a bit difficult, I couldn't spring for one of those fancy $19 pregnancy tests, so I went to the Dollar Tree.  Did you know they sell pregnancy tests for $1?  And it was positive.

"Well, shit," I thought.

Over the course of two weeks, we'd gone from, "Let's nip this potential for more baby things in the bud with a more permanent/reliable birth control solution," to, "Guess who's having a baby!"

"Maybe the dollar store pregnancy tests aren't terribly accurate," I suggested as I told Mr. Adventure the news.  And I scheduled an appointment with my midwife.

The girl that answered the phone when I called the midwife's office asked me how many tests I took.  "Um, one?" I replied.  Other than on TV, do women actually take multiple pregnancy tests?  It seems like a waste of money to me.

The midwife confirmed McCloud is going to have a sibling (who, after the Quickening, I believe I will call him (el bebe in utero) Sean Connery, because I don't remember Sean Connery's character's name from the Highlander film).

"Well, shit," I thought.

The midwife asked me how I was feeling.  It's weird.  We'd just finally for realz made the decision to only have one child, and now there's another coming along.  Which is great because I can die one day knowing that my son will not be left all alone (he has a half sister, but things can go either way with half siblings.  With full siblings, too, I guess.  It's probably best not to put all your eggs in one basket anyway.  Ha!)

I have an estimated due date of the end of August.  Which means I am going to be super pregnant all freaking summer.  Again.  Summer pregnancies suck.

I also feel like we are really finally hitting a groove again and we've established our new normal and having a 16 month old is awesome.  Having a newborn and a two-year-old seems like a huge pain in the ass.  But, I bet it will be awesome when they're two and four and can play together.

I guess I'm still getting a hold on how I'm feeling.  I know that I have a heightened sense of smell, but no nausea or acne or anything yet, so that's nice.  Hopefully this pregnancy is as smooth as the last one.  I think I need to stop drinking coffee.  I had borderline high blood pressure throughout my last pregnancy and I don't want that to happen again.  And I'm not buying a new car.  I'll just need car seats that are a bit more narrow so we can all fit into the Fit.

Here's a piece from McSweeney's called 30 and Pregnant.

Also, the Ugly Volvo has a new piece out.  It's about finding the time to read an article in a magazine with a toddler around.
"Look at me!  Sitting on a sofa reading a magazine!  Like a person!   This is like a thing a person would do!  I imagined myself doing other “person” things like going out for a drink with friends or seeing a show.  What an imagination I have!"
And I guess that's about it.

Also, according to the fancy chart I made back in August of 2013, Sean Connery is currently the size of a blueberry.  Or a Tic-Tac.  Either way, totally edible and could get lost in your handbag.

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