Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez

Well, here we are.  I'm about ten weeks pregnant and, according to my fancy chart, Sean Connery is currently the size of a prune, a kumquat or a Brazil nut!

The pregnant chicken says Baby Joe Biden (because he's number two to the President, get it?!) is the size of an ewok figurine attacking a squirrel.  I could see it.  PC also talks about genetic testing options and blah blah blah.  We didn't do it last time and we won't do it this time.  My midwife had asked us what we would do with the information and our answer was nothing.  We would do nothing with the information, so why collect it?  It's not like we're weird data hoarders or something.

I see the midwife today.  Which is good.  I'm assuming she will do a scan and we will finally hear the heart beat of Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez (thank you, google, for helping me find out Sean Connery's character's name from the Highlander!).

I know I'm not the only lady in the world that has miscarried, but man, subsequent pregnancies after a miscarriage can make a lady crazy.  I totally get why people buy those doppler things so they can obsessively check for a heart beat all the time and stuff.  If I had more money, I would totally be a baby-monitoring, technology-gadgety-whatever-hellicopter-momming psycho.  But I have to go to work, so I ain't got time for that shit.

Anyway, so, I'm in that weird stage of the first trimester where I have to constantly remind myself, "There's no reason this won't be a normal healthy pregnancy" and I err on the side that I'm crazy when my thoughts run away with me.  Like, the near-daily game I play called, "Is that gas or a miscarriage?"

Or if I stand up or move to fast and I feel a sharp pain in my lady parts and I think, "Did I move too fast or is that a miscarriage?"

Or my nausea went away a couple of weeks.  "Did my nausea go away last time?  Or is this a miscarriage?"

Last week, I did a tour of the wastewater treatment plant, and my nausea came back full force.  But it's since left again.

But it's okay.  There's no reason this won't be a normal, healthy pregnancy.  (Unless there is a reason?  2:30 can't come soon enough today!)

That's the other thing, the doctor's office wants to start talking about payments and stuff already.  First off, I don't have any mother fucking money.  And secondly, I am not even out of the first trimester and I haven't heard the heart beat and I am totally paranoid about miscarriage and... there's no reason this won't be a normal, healthy, pregnancy.

So, that's where I'm at.  I also got new lenses put in my Kamuros the other day.  Now I have fancy glasses.  Well, three pair of fancy glasses.

I was just trying to find a previous post, and one of the labels I have from the summer before Chumby was born is, "Rape jokes at the dog park."  I'm awesome.

If you're hungry, eat some Brazil nuts.  They're really good for you.  And keep your fingers crossed for me and Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez.

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