Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Missionary style

I was taking out the recycling yesterday and their were two baby Mormon missionaries all free range in my neighborhood. They had a car(!) they were walking toward and asked me if I needed help. I said no, commented on the fact that they were fancy and had a car. Then they started walking toward me and I threw up my hands and said, "I was raised Mormon." They asked me why I wasn't and I said "Mostly due to my atheism." And I have to tell you, baby Mormon #1 was the one doing most of the talking. He was 18, maybe 19, and had super light, clear blue eyes. Baby Mormon #2 didn't say much, was shorter and more portly and had acne. He was also maybe 19.

Anyway, so #1 asked me all sorts of questions like: When was the last time I went to church? I thought about it for a second... it's been almost 20 years. Longer than the baby missionaries have been alive. So I realized I'm old. Thanks, Mormons.

He also asked me where I worked before I became pregnant. Awww. Baby. People still work. I'm still going to work. He also seemed surprised that I am due Thursday and was taking out the recycling. I wonder if he thought pregnant ladies just lie around like a sea otter, being pregnant and barking?

Then he asked me where I work. I told him I'm a chemist and he asked what I studied for that. I told him chemistry. He said, "That makes sense." I think #2 wasn't talking because maybe he thought his buddy was super dumb?

Then he asked me if I have more of a "Scientology outlook" on life and God and whatnot. I told him Scientologists are kinda crazy. He asked me if Scientology was the Brad Pitt religion and I said, "No. It's the Tom Cruise religion." He said, "Oh! Those guys are crazy. I belong to a bit of a crazy religion, too."

So, that was my encounter with the baby Mormons. I hope I didn't ruin things for their future wives by shattering the illusion that pregnant women can do things like walk around, take out recycling, go to work at their fancy scientist jobs...

Other than that, I have a cold. I feel like I'm dying. I'm due Thursday. The baby is the size of a baby, I'm assuming.

I just googled "How to cook a baby" and some really grisly news stories popped up. I would avoid googling that, if I were you. But you can totally look at this cookbook.

I also took Chumb to the doctor yesterday. He's had perma-snot since about a week after starting daycare and he's been up late coughing. It was his first non-wellness check-up since he's been born (other than his trip to the ER). The doc said he's at a higher risk for continued febrile seizures since he's had one. But, he said right now dude just has a cold. Or several overlapping colds.

And that's about it. Keep your fingers crossed that I stop being sick before I deliver a baby. Because that would really suck to have a cold, deliver a baby, then have to handle a newborn and a toddler all while dying.

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