Tuesday, April 22, 2014

A hot tip

Being pregnant and having a baby brings with it tons of advice, mostly unsolicited.

The best advice I received while pregnant was from an ex's wife at my baby shower.  She told me to only read positive birth stories and to keep negativity out of the birthing suite.  I think it helped.  but who knows?

My second favorite piece of advice was for post-baby.  A friend whose son will be two this summer told me to smell my newborn baby's head as often as possible and just soak in the smell, because it fades pretty quickly.  And she was right.  I think he was only a month old when his head started smelling like head.  It reminded me of Garp in The World According to Garp when he would sneak in to his son's room and smell his breath while it was still sweet, before it soured.

So, after careful consideration, I have determined what my advice will be to new mothers.  Hopefully I will only give it when solicited, but who knows?  On the plus side, I have condensed it into two simple words: Pee first.  It doesn't matter what you are about to do or that "it will only take a second."  Chances are it will take way longer (because nearly everything takes three thousand times longer with a baby, particularly when a baby is crying).  I have to remind myself that Hamburglar won't die if I take an extra two minutes getting to him because I need to use the loo.  Really, it just means I will be able to better care for him when I'm not worried about peeing myself.  So, there you go.  Pee first, ladies and gentlemen.

I took Chumbercules swimming for the first time on Sunday.  There is a hot springs resort less than an hour from town that has geothermal pools and Sunday is family day.  So, the water was warm and there were other kids there and he seemed to really like it.  I want to go back again.

Also, I'd like to give a shout out to Amazon customer service.  I had the day off yesterday and decided it was time to put together the Radio Flyer walker wagon I had purchased about a month ago, and one of the pieces was broken!  I was very sad.  But, they are sending me a replacement and I have thirty days to send back the broken one (Radio Flyer doesn't just send replacement parts, I guess) and the lady at Amazon suggested I put the wagon together first before packaging the broken pieces up and returning them, just in case I'm missing something else or something else is broken.  She's a genius.

We also went to the mall where I purchased two new bras from Dillard's (that actually fit!) and we saw the Easter bunny.  And it got me thinking:

The Easter bunny is creepy and weird.  Why do kids sit on his lap?  I mean, with Santa there is a purpose.  You are telling him what you want for Christmas.  There is communication.  With the Easter bunny, you are just sitting on the lap of a person in a costume who says absolutely nothing.  And you can't read their facial expression.  What's under there?  Also, I bet the inside of that head smells really bad.

So, I've decided that there should be a leprechaun at the mall for St. Patrick's day.  And maybe Lady Liberty for the 4th of July.  And why not sit on the lap of a headless turkey for Thanksgiving?  The possibilities are limitless.

That is all.

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