If I could do it all again: Things I learned in Year One

Maybe it's the scientist in me, or maybe it's my low self-esteem coupled with my narcissism, but I spend a lot of time thinking.  Traditionally, most of that thinking has been about myself.  For the past year or so, most of it has been about everything else.  (Though I do spend significantly less time thinking about environmental quality issues.  If patchwork-wearing, Volkswagen-driving, dreadlock-having 19-year-old me could see me now, I don't think she would approve. I don't think she would disapprove necessarily, but she (and I) both know that I could be doing much more).  Mostly I think about my family.  Mr. Adventure, Hamburglar, Little Miss Adventure and the dogs.  I think about how I could be more patient and listen better and schedule more enrichment activities or even just leave the house more.

For the most part this past year, I've followed my instincts. But there are some things I really could have done better.

1) Ask for help and accept it when it's offered.  

How many first-time parents out there feel like they have to do everything?  Even now.  I have a new member meet-up tonight with other moms of young babes for a group in my area and the meet-up time is 7:30.  That is also baby bedtime.  I have never not been there for baby bedtime.  What if everyone is still awake when I get back?  What if the house catches on fire (again)?  Or (worse) what if baby Hamburglar and Mr. Adventure don't need me at all and bedtime goes super smooth?  Sometimes I'm not sure which is worse: being needed or not being needed.  You know?  But really, people can't read minds.  And if you keep telling everyone you don't need help, they will eventually stop offering.  And maybe think you're a dick.

All I know for sure is that I need to get out of the house more.  And you can't get out of the house without help.  Speaking of getting out of the house...

2) Get out of the house more.

Those first couple of months when Hamburglar's neck was all floppy were really hard.  I was afraid his head would fall off if I put a shirt on him.  So I had some of those kimono-wrap-style shirts.  (They were also good so he didn't have a onesie rubbing on his belly button).  I also didn't really get out much.  I envisioned myself going on long, lesiurely strolls with Mr. Adventure, the dogs and Chumbercules every day.  We would walk at least a mile, sometimes four or five.  Realistically, we hardly made it out of the house.  Part of that is because as soon as you have a new baby fed, rested, changed, burped and dressed, the cycle starts all over again.  Also, Hamburglar was a really high needs baby.  Moreso than other babies, from what I understand.  And that's okay.  The best way to get your needs met is by asking for them (see number one).

In addition to getting the baby out into the fresh air and into the world, you need to get out, too.  With your partner.  By yourself.  With your dogs.  People say this over and over again and it's written everywhere, but that's because it's true.  And I know there isn't time.  I work 40+ hours a week.  I really need a pedicure and I want to go back to Jimmy and get my hair done again (I've decided I need to go back to blonde).  Realistically, though I've been thinking about how I need/want to do these things, I'll feel accomplished if I get half of one of them done by Christmas.

3) Determine your priorities

My priority is sleep.  For everyone in the house.  I go to bed at 8 o'clock some nights and it's awesome.  I don't worry about the house being clean.  I mean, we wipe down counters and vacuum pretty regularly (you have to with two dogs and a baby who has developed a taste for clumps of dog hair, preferably fresh from the dog) but sometimes the laundry sits for a long time without being folded.  After sitting for a long time without being washed.  I've thought about getting a 4th laundry basket, but that would just mean one more basket of laundry I would fill and eventually have to fold and put away.

4) It's okay to make your job easier

This isn't really that important, but I wish I had a Moby from day 1.  I got mine from a friend when Chumbercules was 4 months old and it was nice, but I think it would have benefited us both earlier.  I've since given that Moby to a friend who had her baby boy in June and they have been using the shit out of it.  She is (crazy/amazing) working on her Ph.D with a newborn.  I had a hard enough time being in grad school while pregnant, I don't think I'd be able to do it now.

Also, instead of my super fancy Hushamok Baby Hammock, I wish I'd had an arms reach co-sleeper.  Or maybe just bought the $30 mattress from Hushamok and put it in a cardboard box next to my bed for baby to sleep in.  I am glad we didn't bed share, though.

I also wish I'd had a Boppy or it's equivalent.  I probably would have gotten one if I'd understood how it worked/what it was for.  I thought you were supposed to put the baby on it while you fed him and it didn't make sense to me.  Maybe that would have prevented me from getting DeQuervain's Tendinitis?

I also kind of wish I'd rented a hospital grade pump.  I've heard they are amazing.  But I bought my pump for $100 off Craigslist.

5) You don't really need as much stuff as you think you do

We have a lot of bottles.  My mentor bought the Dr. Brown's pack, plus my boss bought us 6 Life Factory glass bottles, four 9-oz bottles and two 4-oz bottles.  We didn't need nearly that many.  I think two of each would be good.  A 4-oz and a 9-oz in each type.  I liked the Dr, Brown's for when baby boy was little, though.  And now that we are weaning, we have ten million bottles.  Half of them (or more) have never been used.  We still use the Life Factory ones, though.  Because you can turn them into sippy cups with these super awesome caps.

I also have so many freaking clothes.  Really, since he's not in daycare and we don't get out much, he spent most of Spring/Summer running around in his diaper.  But you can never have too many baby fedoras.

6) Research how to clean cloth diapers

There's a facebook group called Fluff Love and CD Science.  It's really helpful.  I'm in the process of re-vamping my diaper wash routine yet again.

7) I'm running out of steam here/getting distracted, so, just do what feels right.

Unless what "feels right" to you involves doing horrible things to your baby.  Then you should refer to number one and get some counseling.  And it's okay if you need counseling.  You're not some huge loser/terrible person if you have postpartum depression and need professional help.  You're awesome because you realize this and seek out the assistance you need to be the best parent/person you can be.

8) Baby snuggles are pretty much the best thing ever.

And baby laughs.  And baby words.  And baby back flips.  And claps.  And running.  And walking.

Now, for a funny story that is unrelated to any of this:

I picked up Little Miss Adventure (LMA) from school last Friday so she could spend the weekend with us.  She had a note from her teacher and Mr. Adventure read it when we got home.  It had said that LMA had used bad language and got into trouble.  She told her dad that she had called a little girl in her class a "peanut."  After several minutes, we learned she had called her a penis.  And I still can't stop laughing.  But I did good while her dad was talking to her and did not laugh once (until I couldn't take it any more and I left the room to laugh).  I guess another girl in her first-grade class had asked if LMA liked her drawing.  LMA said no and the other kid called her a penis.  So she said, "I think you're a penis."  Hahahahaha

Cloth Diaper Revelation 3.0

Our favorite baby is 6.5 months old, but we are still trying to master the art of cleaning our cloth diapers in hard water.  Much like pimping, sifting through all the info on cloth diapering and figuring out what works for us ain't easy.

Originally, I was using Rocking Green soap but then I was all like, “Shit’s expensive.  Any free and clear soap should do according to all the things I read.”  So I started using the Biokleen free and clear powdered detergent combined with Calgon and that seemed to work.  For a while.  Then I stripped the diapers with RLR.  The first time went great and I thought I was in love.  Then I did it a second time and I was pretty Meh about it.

My inserts were not as fluffy as they once were and they weren't absorbing as well and I was starting to get sad about it, so I did MORE research, because that’s what I do, and I decided a week or two ago to go back to the beginning, with some changes.

For the record, I’m not affiliated with Rockin Green or Calgon or anyone or anything other than myself and my desire to get my diapers clean and working in an optimal state or something.

I ordered Rockin Green’s Hard Rock (in Lavender Mint scent, because it was cheaper) from Amazon along with some Funk Rock.  I followed the instructions on the Funk Rock and soaked my diapers in it for a couple of hours, then realized I should have soaked them in the Rockin Green instead, so I threw some of that in there, too, and let it sit for a few more hours.  Then I washed them per the instructions on the Rockin Green, including a second rinse at the end (which I don’t normally do).

I've got to say, I wish I had never deviated from the cleaning power and brilliance of Rockin Green.  Not counting the initial prep wash, I have washed my diapers twice since I received my Rockin Green in the mail and my inserts are already way fluffier than they have been for the past month or so.  I’ve been throwing a tablespoon of funk rock in with my pre-rinse, then about 3 tablespoons of Rockin Green for the wash and yeah.  No more Calgon.  No more stripping with RLR.  No more using other, less superior soaps.  This is obviously true love because Rockin Green let me go, but I came back.  And it let me come back. 

Don’t worry, Rockin Green, girl, baby doll.  I love you and I will never leave you again.  My eye may wander from time to time, but I know you’re the soap for me.  Sure you’re a bit on the spendy side, but you’re worth it.  Only the best for my baby’s bottom.

Also, I have a box of Calgon and decided to use it with my regular laundry.  Terrible idea.  I washed all my bedding and my favorite blanket came out kind of coarse feeling, if that makes sense?  The texture is just off, and I’m big on texture.

In other news…

Hamburglar McCloud, aka Chumbercules, aka Sir Screams-a-Lot, is becoming more and more mobile.  He’s not quite crawling yet, but he gets on all fours and rocks.  And he rolls, army crawls, and does a version of The Worm where he scoots his butt towards his belly, then lifts his front up and throws it forwards.  Of course, with this mobility comes more interest in the things we would rather he not be interested in; like the DVDs and the fire place.  I am impressed with his efforts to remove the giant bolts from the cast iron fire place doors, though.  I did finally put outlet covers in, though.  He was getting over to the outlets a bit too often for my taste.

And I think that's it... for now.

It's Almost Time to Eat!

As Thanksgiving approaches here in the US of A, my mind can’t help but wander to this image:

And from there, I start thinking about how Hamburglar McCloud is probably about 12 pounds now, which is a decent size for a turkey, but I think we may wait to eat him until he is a little bigger.

Just kidding.  We’ll eat him now.

Not really.

But I am planning on dressing him like a turkey and putting him in a roasting pan so I can get a picture.  I may even dress up the dogs like a pilgrim and an American Indian.  Because that's the kind of person I am.

One of my friends shared this post on babble and it is hilarious and well worth the 3 minutes it will take you to read it.  I read it the day before I brought the wee babe Hamburglar in to work to meet my coworkers.  The first coworker that held him had a baby last November.  While holding McCloud, she exclaimed how darling he is and how she wants to eat him.  She expressed particularly interest in wanting to eat his ears and his hands.  Now, as a chemist, I’m no expert in biology or in the best cuts of meat, but ears and hands seem like the worst part of an animal (or a baby) to eat.

But seriously, read that post on babble.  It is so funny, I just laughed while reading it again.  And I've read it at least ten times.

Things with the babe are going well.  From what I've read, I’m finally in the best/easiest stage of breastfeeding, for the next four months at least.  Dude and I have our routine down and my horrible wrist pain has gone away.  Though, my right breast DID pee the bed again the other night.  But that’s okay.  Though it does make me worry a bit that my supply may decrease.

We are exclusively breastfeeding the wee McCloud and I started back at work already.  I pump twice a day and bring it home so Mr. Adventure, who is staying home with our favorite baby, can feed it to the babe the next day.  For anyone else reading this that exclusively breastfeeds, I read this super helpful piece.  It states a lot of what we learned through trial and error (like, it IS possible to overfeed a breastfed baby from a bottle, and he will just vom all that extra milk right up onto you.  I think McCloud is going to buy Mr. Adventure some new shirts for Christmas…).

Part of how we are making breastfeeding work while I work is I feed the wee babe before I go to work in the morning (I’m blessed with a flexible work schedule and have keys to the lab, so I can come in to work any time between 5 and 8 am) and I feed him as soon as I get home.  Since we feed on demand, this quite often involves Mr. Adventure channeling all of his patience while a hungry baby yells at him for 45 minutes.

Speaking of yelling… it seems the wee McCloud is displeased that I go to work during the week now, and he expresses that displeasure by yelling at poor, Mr. Adventure.  I hear Mondays are the worst.  Mr. Adventure is such a great dad and I really hope those two work out the kinks and that things will be easier next week.  Keep your fingers crossed!

And, for those of you who are curious, the floor in the baby’s room is still not done.  All that’s left are the three coats of Waterlox, though.  I read a fable once that stated slow and steady wins the race, so we are winning the shit out of the preparing-the-nursery race.

McCloud (aka Chubby McBabylegs) has finally fattened up enough that he can wear the cloth diapers I bought!  I purchased a lot of 24 one-size pocket diapers off craigslist when I was pregnant and it is just now, at about two months of age, that he can wear them… on the smallest snapped setting.  With proper care, though, these will take us all the way through potty training.  And, speaking of proper care, I found this great post on cleaning diapers with hard water.  Calgon has made a huge difference.  To clean my diapers, I do a cold rinse with no soaps or anything (and I just throw the diapers in there without rinsing them and we are dry pailing, for the curious, which means we just throw the diapers in a bucket I bought from Fred Meyer for $3.99.  The other option is wet pailing, where you throw soiled diapers in a bucket of water or something, but that sounds gross to me), then I put in some Rockin Green soap (about 2T) and a cap full of Calgon water softener and do a hot wash with a cold rinse.  I don’t do an additional post rinse.  I just throw it all in the dryer and tumble it on low heat.  Be careful with your heat settings.  A friend of mine ruined her lot of cloth diapers when she was in Vegas by drying them in the dryer in their hotel, which was allegedly hotter than the fires of hell.

So that’s where I’m at.  McCloud is still smiling back and he gives me tons of smiles when I get home.  And he laughs!  It’s not like the baby giggles that come around 6 months or whenever, it’s a laugh that I wish I could describe in words because it is so funny.  It makes me laugh, which makes him laugh, which makes all of us laugh and it’s this whole circle of laughter.

Finally, for all of you out there that want something (else) good to read, I read this blog/post on Elephant Journal called “To My Post-PartumSelf: Things I wish I’d known.”  It says great things like this:

"Don't Clean.  Your house will still be messy in five years.  I am sorry, but it's true.  So when your baby sleeps, take a nap.  Read a book.  Masturbate.  Look at pictures of clean houses on Pinterest.  Look at pictures of clean houses on Pinterest while you masturbate.  But don't clean."

And there you have it.  Happy Friday everyone!