If I could do it all again: Things I learned in Year One

Maybe it's the scientist in me, or maybe it's my low self-esteem coupled with my narcissism, but I spend a lot of time thinking.  Traditionally, most of that thinking has been about myself.  For the past year or so, most of it has been about everything else.  (Though I do spend significantly less time thinking about environmental quality issues.  If patchwork-wearing, Volkswagen-driving, dreadlock-having 19-year-old me could see me now, I don't think she would approve. I don't think she would disapprove necessarily, but she (and I) both know that I could be doing much more).  Mostly I think about my family.  Mr. Adventure, Hamburglar, Little Miss Adventure and the dogs.  I think about how I could be more patient and listen better and schedule more enrichment activities or even just leave the house more.

For the most part this past year, I've followed my instincts. But there are some things I really could have done better.

1) Ask for help and accept it when it's offered.  

How many first-time parents out there feel like they have to do everything?  Even now.  I have a new member meet-up tonight with other moms of young babes for a group in my area and the meet-up time is 7:30.  That is also baby bedtime.  I have never not been there for baby bedtime.  What if everyone is still awake when I get back?  What if the house catches on fire (again)?  Or (worse) what if baby Hamburglar and Mr. Adventure don't need me at all and bedtime goes super smooth?  Sometimes I'm not sure which is worse: being needed or not being needed.  You know?  But really, people can't read minds.  And if you keep telling everyone you don't need help, they will eventually stop offering.  And maybe think you're a dick.

All I know for sure is that I need to get out of the house more.  And you can't get out of the house without help.  Speaking of getting out of the house...

2) Get out of the house more.

Those first couple of months when Hamburglar's neck was all floppy were really hard.  I was afraid his head would fall off if I put a shirt on him.  So I had some of those kimono-wrap-style shirts.  (They were also good so he didn't have a onesie rubbing on his belly button).  I also didn't really get out much.  I envisioned myself going on long, lesiurely strolls with Mr. Adventure, the dogs and Chumbercules every day.  We would walk at least a mile, sometimes four or five.  Realistically, we hardly made it out of the house.  Part of that is because as soon as you have a new baby fed, rested, changed, burped and dressed, the cycle starts all over again.  Also, Hamburglar was a really high needs baby.  Moreso than other babies, from what I understand.  And that's okay.  The best way to get your needs met is by asking for them (see number one).

In addition to getting the baby out into the fresh air and into the world, you need to get out, too.  With your partner.  By yourself.  With your dogs.  People say this over and over again and it's written everywhere, but that's because it's true.  And I know there isn't time.  I work 40+ hours a week.  I really need a pedicure and I want to go back to Jimmy and get my hair done again (I've decided I need to go back to blonde).  Realistically, though I've been thinking about how I need/want to do these things, I'll feel accomplished if I get half of one of them done by Christmas.

3) Determine your priorities

My priority is sleep.  For everyone in the house.  I go to bed at 8 o'clock some nights and it's awesome.  I don't worry about the house being clean.  I mean, we wipe down counters and vacuum pretty regularly (you have to with two dogs and a baby who has developed a taste for clumps of dog hair, preferably fresh from the dog) but sometimes the laundry sits for a long time without being folded.  After sitting for a long time without being washed.  I've thought about getting a 4th laundry basket, but that would just mean one more basket of laundry I would fill and eventually have to fold and put away.

4) It's okay to make your job easier

This isn't really that important, but I wish I had a Moby from day 1.  I got mine from a friend when Chumbercules was 4 months old and it was nice, but I think it would have benefited us both earlier.  I've since given that Moby to a friend who had her baby boy in June and they have been using the shit out of it.  She is (crazy/amazing) working on her Ph.D with a newborn.  I had a hard enough time being in grad school while pregnant, I don't think I'd be able to do it now.

Also, instead of my super fancy Hushamok Baby Hammock, I wish I'd had an arms reach co-sleeper.  Or maybe just bought the $30 mattress from Hushamok and put it in a cardboard box next to my bed for baby to sleep in.  I am glad we didn't bed share, though.

I also wish I'd had a Boppy or it's equivalent.  I probably would have gotten one if I'd understood how it worked/what it was for.  I thought you were supposed to put the baby on it while you fed him and it didn't make sense to me.  Maybe that would have prevented me from getting DeQuervain's Tendinitis?

I also kind of wish I'd rented a hospital grade pump.  I've heard they are amazing.  But I bought my pump for $100 off Craigslist.

5) You don't really need as much stuff as you think you do

We have a lot of bottles.  My mentor bought the Dr. Brown's pack, plus my boss bought us 6 Life Factory glass bottles, four 9-oz bottles and two 4-oz bottles.  We didn't need nearly that many.  I think two of each would be good.  A 4-oz and a 9-oz in each type.  I liked the Dr, Brown's for when baby boy was little, though.  And now that we are weaning, we have ten million bottles.  Half of them (or more) have never been used.  We still use the Life Factory ones, though.  Because you can turn them into sippy cups with these super awesome caps.

I also have so many freaking clothes.  Really, since he's not in daycare and we don't get out much, he spent most of Spring/Summer running around in his diaper.  But you can never have too many baby fedoras.

6) Research how to clean cloth diapers

There's a facebook group called Fluff Love and CD Science.  It's really helpful.  I'm in the process of re-vamping my diaper wash routine yet again.

7) I'm running out of steam here/getting distracted, so, just do what feels right.

Unless what "feels right" to you involves doing horrible things to your baby.  Then you should refer to number one and get some counseling.  And it's okay if you need counseling.  You're not some huge loser/terrible person if you have postpartum depression and need professional help.  You're awesome because you realize this and seek out the assistance you need to be the best parent/person you can be.

8) Baby snuggles are pretty much the best thing ever.

And baby laughs.  And baby words.  And baby back flips.  And claps.  And running.  And walking.

Now, for a funny story that is unrelated to any of this:

I picked up Little Miss Adventure (LMA) from school last Friday so she could spend the weekend with us.  She had a note from her teacher and Mr. Adventure read it when we got home.  It had said that LMA had used bad language and got into trouble.  She told her dad that she had called a little girl in her class a "peanut."  After several minutes, we learned she had called her a penis.  And I still can't stop laughing.  But I did good while her dad was talking to her and did not laugh once (until I couldn't take it any more and I left the room to laugh).  I guess another girl in her first-grade class had asked if LMA liked her drawing.  LMA said no and the other kid called her a penis.  So she said, "I think you're a penis."  Hahahahaha

"Must have" baby lists?

I hate lists of things people declare that you “must have” for labor and for the baby.  My labor was super quick, but the only thing I really needed was water.  I put on the same clothes I wore over there to wear home the next day, and it was fine.  I think I actually brought a change of clothes, but I didn’t use it.  I also brought chap stick and didn't use it.  And I brought clothes for the baby and a blanket for him, but I’m pretty sure he didn't really care that much and will likely not remember coming home from the hospital.  Hell, I barely remember it.  I wonder if Mr. Adventure remembers it?  I should ask him later.

BabyCenter is a pretty popular website around here for pregnant ladies and new moms and moms in general, I’m assuming, so I went to their list of must haves for the first year. 

BabyCenter says your baby needs clothes.  That’s probably true.  Unless you live in a nudist colony or something.  Although, for the first two weeks, I don’t think I put clothes on Hamburglar unless we were going somewhere.  His tiny, delicate head and neck were so floppy; I was kind of worried it may fall off if I kept pulling shirts over his head.  I had some of those kimono-style tie shirts and they were kind of nice.  But really, for clothes, you should make friends with someone that had a baby a good 6 months to a year ahead of you.  My coworker gave me a ton of baby clothes and I am passing on the sizes that McCloud has grown out of to a friend who is due with her little boy in February.  Everybody wins!  Except for large, corporate, baby clothes conglomerates.  (I was at the Nordstrom Rack when I was pregnant, and I found a long-sleeve, one piece, wool, Burberry argyle thing on clearance for $90.  It was a size 3-6 month.  Madness.)

They also advise you get diapers, wipes and a changing pad or table.  We have a dresser with a changing pad on top.  But really, you can throw a towel on the floor and change your baby there if you want to.  Or forego the towel if you’re feeling adventurous.  We have the one size, pocket-style cloth diapers with poly urethane liners (PUL).  I bought them used off craigslist for $140.  Dude’s legs were too small to wear them the first 2 months, so we bought disposables.  And we were using disposable wipes, but I realized how silly that was since we are washing diapers anyway.  I wrote a post about it.

They recommend a baby carrier, a stroller and a car seat.  I bought a car/seat stroller combination that was used by a trusted friend for $40.  And I have a Boba.  It was a gift and I love it for when Chubs McBabylegs won’t let me put him down, but I need my hands to do stuff.  But, I think I could easily get away with a car seat (a necessity if you are planning on taking your baby in a car ever.  Stupid laws.) and a used umbrella stroller.  You can pick those up for $5.  Or if you want a new one, I think they’re about $20.

BabyCenter also suggests you may want to feed your baby.  Crazy, I know.  Especially when you can just give them donkey milk or wine and honey and they might not die.  But, if you are going to feed them… 

I don’t have a nursing pillow.  I use a bed pillow on the arm of the couch and it works fine.  Sometimes I prop dude against my knee.  I did have Lanolin ointment, but I think if I had found a lactation consultant that I didn't hate/trusted/was able to work with, I would not have let baby eat with a poor latch and that would have saved my nipples some pain.  They say 6-12 bottles, and that’s how many we have, but Mr. Adventure has only been using two for the past couple of months.  Also, burp cloths?  Those tiny, useless pieces of material?  I would just get extra receiving blankets and use those.  Because fucker likes to vom.  Projectile.  When he burps, the dogs come running to see if anything came out.  It’s gross.  You will need bottle brushes or something for cleaning the bottles and nipples.  I also have a Medela Pump In Style Advance that I bought, nearly new (the chick had used it four time) off craigslist for $100.  Also, the Affordable Healthcare Act states that insurance companies have to provide breast pumps, and I imagine women that aren't breastfeeding may get their pumps and sell them on craigslist at a reduced rate.  I mean, that’s where I used to buy my bus passes when I lived in a city with a decent transit system.  They also recommend breast milk storage bags.  That’s up to you.  They are super convenient, but I don’t know that they are NECESSARY.  You know?

For human food feedings, they recommend a high chair, bowls, spoons, sippy cups and bibs.  I don’t know about that one yet.  I do know that we don’t have a high chair and Hamburglar sits on my lap during dinner.  He really likes to watch people eat.

They also say you need:

Pacifiers: Nope.  Dude hates them.  Though I do love it when I can get him to take the cowboy Mustachifier.  It cracks me up.

Bouncy seat: I love it.  He loves it.  We all love it.

Play mat/gym: For tummy time, I put him on a blanket on the floor.  If I do that, he rolls over.  On his play mat with the dangly toys, he doesn’t.  But he does love to kick and swat at the toys while lying on his back.  I can get away and do things around the house for 45 minutes sometimes while he entertains himself.  As long as the dogs aren’t licking his face off.   

Toys and books: Sure.  He’s just now kind of becoming interested.  I am still reading him whatever I want.  Currently, I am reading him Morrissey’s Autobiography.  (It was a Christmas gift from my mopey dog).

Crib and mattress: Baby has to sleep somewhere.  Where is totally up to you.

Bedding: they recommend 3-5 fitted sheets and a mattress cover.  We have two fitted sheets and it’s fine.  Experts are no longer recommending crib bumpers, because they say it will make your baby die.  Also, babies shouldn’t have blankets in their cribs because they will die.

Wearable and swaddling blankets: Swaddling blankets are a definite yes for me.

Outlet covers, safety gates, drawer latches, toilet seat locks, baby monitors: We have a baby monitor I bought for $2 at a yard sale that we never use.  And when dude starts wandering around the house, I may wish we had baby-proofed, but so far I’m good with what we have.

First aid kit: we have one, but I never use it.  We do have some baby Tylenol.  We gave it to him after he got vaccinated at 2 months.

Bulb syringe: nah, bitch.  It’s all about the Nose Frida.

Teething toys: Ice cube in a washcloth.  What up.

Digital thermometer: We have an ear thermometer.  Everything I have read says the only “real” way to check a baby’s temperature is rectally.  And that is why medical professionals exist, folks.

Something to clip your baby’s nails: my old boss recommends biting them off.  You can also peel them off because they aren't very strong.  Just, don’t use a knife, okay?

Laundry detergent: We were using Rocking Green, but shit is EXPENSIVE.  So now I’m using the Biokleen that is free of dyes and blah blah blah because I can use it on the diapers, too.  I also use it for our laundry.  And calgon.  Because we have hard water and it is fucking awesome for the diapers.

Soft bristled baby brush: We have two and I tried to use one once.  He didn’t like it and neither did I. 

Over on the Mr. Money Mustache website, Mrs. Money Mustache wrote a piece called, “What do Newborn babies really need?”  She broke it down to five things: Diapers, a place to sleep, clothing, a carseat, breast milk or formula, and you.  It’s a good read and it really inspired me to curb my consumption (though I did buy a Hushamok hammock for $225 that I just sold for $275!  And I’ve had a hard time resisting the baby blue jeans.  As impractical as they are fucking adorable).

And, there you have it.  These are my thoughts on "must have" baby items.  I think I need to go buy a pair of size 6-9 month baby blue jeans now.  Little man has nearly grown out of his 6 month size already.  Though the bulk from the diapers could be part of that.