Birth plan

To the tune of the original Batman theme song.

So, the new doctor I found is all right. She laughed at my inappropriate jokes, and that's really important to me. She seems a bit gung-ho to get this baby out of me, though. At our first meeting, she offered to induce me at 39 weeks. And yesterday at my appointment, she said she'd check my cervix and sweep my membranes next week at my 40 week appointment. Not really sure why. Last time around the midwife did a membrane sweep because my blood pressure was super high, but it was 112/80 yesterday. I think I'm the only person in my family who doesn't have high blood pressure.

A friend sent me a text yesterday and told me I should stop blogging. I asked her why, assuming I was some preachy weirdo blogging asshole that somehow bred a weird sub-group of super-sarcastic militant parents who think they are funnier than they actually are. But, no. Apparently it is because "Mommy bloggers are taking over the fucking internet." And, it seems, I am not preachy enough to be a real mommy blogger. I guess I should be more insistent on the meals you prepare for your faux-infant cannibalism diet?

At 39 weeks, Brown Sugar is the size of a watermelon or a rabbit. Did you know that watermelon.org is a site? Well now you do! And they have instructions on how to carve a motherfucking watermelon into a rabbit. Also, blogger tried to autocorrect 'motherfucking' into 'motorbiking'.

Oh, and you must carve a watermelon into a rabbit this week or you will be haunted by the creepy dead children from Edward Gorey's Gashlycrumb Tinies.

What else?

NOOOOO!!!! I just went over to my new/old favorite pregnancy website, and the domain expired! Two days ago! So, instead, here is a flashback to the last time I was 39 weeks pregnant. It's pretty much the same. I haven't packed a hospital bag this time, either. Or installed the car seat. I did get a new car, though. I traded in the Fit for a 1998 Nissan Pathfinder that will be completely paid for in 6 months instead of three years. I'm pretty excited. Even though it's white.

Chumby is good. Now that he's in daycare, I feel like I never see him. I don't know why or how, but picking him up from daycare seems to add an extra 400 hours to my day. I'm ready to have this baby just so I can stop putting on pants every day. Also, Chumb weighs less than I thought he did. He's 31.5 pounds.

Finally, since I'm not delivering with the midwife, I typed up my birth plan. The midwife had a checklist because I guess the L&D staff are too busy "working" to read a 42 page detailed birth plan such as Jamie and Jeff's Birth Plan. Though I bet they may find the time to read that one through. Because hilarious.

So, I went through what we did last time and pulled the highlights that are important to me and got it all on one page. What?! That's right, suckers.

I think that's about it. The betting pools are open for when you think 2.0 will arrive. The prize is some melted and re-solidified dark chocolate peanut butter cups from Trader Joe's. They were only in the car for half an hour. But I guess it is summer in the desert.

Oh! And as for a billing update: I'm still going to wait a couple more weeks to make sure they have filed everything through my insurance but, after looking at my EOB's, they seem to have sent everything through and those fuckers at the midwife's office owe me $27. Assholes.

39 weeks!

Well, since I’m late posting this week, it’s 39 weeks and 3 days or something.  But who’s counting?  :D

I had a weird nightmare the other night and, much like I have done the few other times I have had nightmares, I woke up and made a loud yelling sound.  I do this partially to make sure I am awake.  Mr. Adventure was in the front room entertaining guests/nerding out and he heard me and came running.  “Do we need to go to the hospital?!  Is it the baby?!”  It took me a second to respond because I just woke up, and when I told him it was a shadow bear he looked very confused.  I didn’t know how else to describe what I had seen.  Later, his friend Smash told me she had never seen anyone move so quickly.

So, I guess he is ready whenever Hamburglar and I are.  I should probably pack a hospital bag.  But what will I put in it?  I think the only thing I really need is my phone charger, and I don’t want to pack that.  And some snacks.  We also need to install the car seat.  Someone asked me the other day if I am “ready” to have the baby.  I figure I’m as ready as I’m going to be.  I could definitely be more prepared/organized, but I really don’t think the baby gives a shit about organization.  I mean, theoretically, I don’t even need to clean the house because he won’t be able to see very far in front of his face, right?

In other news…

Mr. Adventure has started staining the floor!  It’s halfway done and using the Minwax wood conditioner has made a huge difference.  He was trying to use a gel stain before and these darker spots were appearing and I have been spending more time than I ever thought possible at Woodcraft the last couple of weeks and reading a lot about hardwood floor restoration.  I learned that conditioning the floor first is supposed to even out any spots, and it is working!  We went with Candlelite for the stain color and it looks really nice.  I can’t wait until it’s done!

And one of my coworkers bought me a Boba carrier!  I was going to buy it this week, but he beat me to it!  That was the last thing I really wanted before the baby comes, and now I have it!

At 39 weeks pregnant, Mr. Baby is the size of a watermelon or a rabbit.  Or maybe a rabbit stuffed into a watermelon?  If you are not pregnant, I advise you to make a booze melon to celebrate the end of summer.  To do this, cut a hole in your watermelon, all the way into the flesh, shove a funnel in the hole and pour in the vodka.  It takes a while for the watermelon to soak up the booze… 2 cups takes about 2 days, so you should leave the melon in the fridge.  And I’ve heard it is extra delicious if you use lime vodka, though I have never tried it.  When it’s ready to go, just slice it up and serve.  If you are pregnant, just eat some watermelon.  I’ve never had or made rabbit and I wouldn’t know what to do with one, so no recipe for that.

In other other news, I am still working.  And I am trying to finish this huge project that was dumped on me last week before I have a baby.  It’s going well so far, but I think I will need to come in Saturday.  Luckily, there will be other people in the lab this weekend. 

Also, the baby was head down a week ago, but he still hasn’t dropped and he keeps moving around.  I’m hoping it’s normal.  I just keep assuming that whatever is happening is what is supposed to happen.  I see the midwife tomorrow and I figure she will let me know if anything weird is going on.

Oh!  And I met dog park baby!  She’ super cute.  But dog park girl told me about her 40+ hour labor in which she had her membranes ruptured and then had to have pitocen to induce on top of it and whatnot.  I’m hoping for a labor that lasts far less than 40 hours.

That is all.